Beginnings are hard.
Like, extraordinarily hard. Yes, this is true for most members of the human family, but the decision to make a change away from the Chef Life was one that took months of deliberations, between my many selves as well as my wife. I loved the adrenaline rush, the camaraderie, the found family within a workplace that often fosters fear, anger and a hierarchy of dysfunctional relationships. However, I hit a point over the summer where a wave of depression almost destroyed me. In the literal sense. And maybe “wave” isn’t the right noun; “tsunami” is. SO I left it all behind. The friendships, the growth opportunities (although they were promised, they were years away), the stability. Left in the bramble of a journey I spent 25 years on. Now, I’m at a desk job (something I swore I would never do), rebuilding who I am.
As a part-time poet, I found myself in the Strafford Challenge community during this same period of life, and began focusing my emotional energies in a new routine. Close to when I left Restaurant X, as it will forever be referred to, I landed myself in the Strafford Chaos Poets. Through this intimate group of speculative and horror poets, I’ve found validation and support that I hadn’t experienced before.
Now, the Substack template wants me to “be specific,” to tell you about the “why now?” Well, suffice to say, I’m nearing the end of my Master’s in Literature, with a focus on Feminist Studies. I’m applying to Old Dominion University for an innovative PhD program in literature, where I want to focus on horror studies in tandem with Asian American literature and Asian literature, among other topics. In this vein, one of the purposes of this “newsletter,” or what have you, is to explore a number of topics within poetry, feminist studies, queer studies and horror studies, some in conjunction with film studies. Think The Grudge and Ju-On, both as Japanese horror literature, as well as comparative film analysis.
In the end, this is very much a journey of self-discovery, not only intellectually, but personally and poetically. I’ve no clue what the next post may be about, however I imagine that if you’re reading this, you’re willing to walk a strange path with me.
Much love!
I LOVE your courage to break free and define a new life based on your terms! Absolutely gorgeous. That fire in the pic is actually you transforming into the Phoenix. <3 Welcome to your new world and I'm humbled and grateful to be sharing this part of it with you in this space and time. :)
I'm always ready to walk strange paths! Let's go! I'm glad you came through your twilit valley to find the starshine.